Safaris do sound glamorous, don’t they? Imagine jeeps caked in dust, khaki caps, binoculars, and a guide’s voiceover explaining every step you take. Reality? Not quite. Nobody warns you of the actual rules — the sort that only arise after your guide rolls his eyes and says, “Please don’t do that.”
Here you go.
Your camouflage uniform
You wanted to fit in with nature. You did. But that’s doing only well for mosquitoes.
Pro tip: Dress in light colors and slather yourself with repellent unless you’re seeking
an itchy epiphany.
Binoculars function better when not reversed
It’s difficult to identify a cheetah if you’re peering through the opposite end
and questioning why it appears the size of a pea.
Animals don’t act on cue
No matter how much you whisper, “Here kitty, kitty,” the tiger is not
going to pose for your Instagram reel. This is not The Jungle Book.
It’s real life. Be patient — and quiet.
The jeep is not soundproof
That ear-piercing snack crunch? Echoes. Your whisper, “I need to pee”?
Amplified. Just assume that everyone can hear everything. And judge you.
Don’t wear strong perfume
Scented body mist? No, please! Go natural or go home.
The “quiet zone” is real
Blowing loudly or taking safari trivia with your buddies could actually
chase away the very creature you traveled across the country to witness.
The golden rule is silence — and so are leopards, if you’re fortunate.
Phones have zoom. Use it.
That “I’ll just lean out a bit for a better shot” trick?
That’s how cautionary tales are made. Give the animal room
and your limbs.
Sunburn can occur
Yes, you’re in a jeep. No, the sun isn’t concerned. Sunscreen is
mandatory if you want to come back unscathed, a.k.a. not a boiled tomato.
You’re in their territory
Final (and real) rule: don’t treat a safari like a zoo. You’re the
visitor here. Behave like one — quietly, respectfully, and always in awe.
Night sounds are not a vibe —they’re warnings
That eerie growl outside your tent? Not jungle ASMR. Don’t unzip.
Don’t investigate, and definitely don’t say, “Who’s there?” Just stay zipped
and pray it’s the wind. or a herbivore with heavy feet.
